There is something in human nature, vanity perhaps, that drives us to create a carefully controlled image of ourselves. The Internet has not helped this situation.

I’m not so sure that even when people come across as ranting, grating, and crude that they’re not guilty of it. It’s just that their perception of “cool” is distorted. They’re still crafting an image. Everyone loves themselves.

I’m guilty of it myself, though I try to craft my image behind pictures and doodles and updates on current projects. Honesty is virtue, and I’m rarely very personal here, but everyone once in a while change is refreshing. And truth is good for the soul.

I mentioned the “funk” I’ve been in the other day, which is a meaningless euphemism (if there can be such a thing.) I crafted another image with a little word and set it up in the puppet show that we call the Internet. Consider this little post a small rebellion against the constant mode of image maintenance that our Facebook and Twitter obsession has wrought in my own life.

Last year was a great year career-wise. I was busy with pro work, commissions, and conventions and all the things that a person in my vocation does to bring home the bacon. My son was born in October, and I was in the hospital inking pages against a deadline. That’s freelance. Especially in comics.

In the 6 months since, work has been much harder to come by. Commissions all but dried up (though I do have a couple outstanding at the moment, they’re on their way guys) and for some reason at conventions I’ve been practically invisible since last June. There is an ebb and flow to freelance work, I’ve been around long enough to know that and deal with it. But rarely has there been such a perfect storm of as this first half of 2012.

Last week it hit me. The “funk.” Or, rather, the feeling of futility.  That all my successes to this point had been a series of flukes and in reality I’m simply not good enough.   A distorted feeling, things aren’t really futile. My efforts haven’t all been in vain. And no, I’m not about to quit art or comics or even Twitter or Facebook (I’ve met some good people on there.) I’m not even using this as a plea for work, honest. There are good months and bad months and I’m confident that things will turn a corner as they always do. Nothing is permanent. Neither feasts nor famines. Not failure.  Not even success. 

But for those of you who are interested in what it’s like to be a freelance artist, sometimes….it’s like this.